Praising and mirroring the actions of women who are rupturing tradition,
transforming taboos, or just simply excelling in their fields, helps us lay
a foundation for a better, more respectful world for our daughters. The
problem is that on the individual level, many women don’t believe they
possess what it takes to be a role model. I, for one, was one of them.
Unique women are unique because they believe in what they stand for. If I
can get this message across to my daughter alone, I will consider my job
done.
Dear baby girl,
Your name is Luma. It comes from the Latin word lumen, and it means light,
illuminated, sparkle of life. Where I am from, to give birth (“dar a luz”)
means to give life. However, in our case, I believe it happened the other
way around. In the miraculous moment of your birth, I was truly born.
I learned that you were growing inside me a few days before Christmas.
Although I do not observe any particular religious faith, I believe that you
were sent to me as a gift. The motherly instincts I didn’t imagine I had
surfaced immediately; you became my reason to be.
The first time I heard your heart beat, I shivered with emotion. When I saw
you on the first sonogram, I cried. I was in a constant state of joy. My
belly grew bigger as you grew inside me. I remember one particular night,
when I was lying in bed reading; you suddenly slid your little foot across
my belly. I placed my hand where I had felt you and you kicked again. We had
discovered a game which we played quite often, for you were a very active
baby. The more my belly grew the happier and prettier I felt.
Other than being very sleepy in the beginning and at the final months, the
pregnancy itself was an easy one. Given that I was feeling good and
everything seemed to be going well, your father and I asked the doctor about
our chances of having a natural birth. The doctor was very supportive. He
agreed that I was having a normal and healthy pregnancy and our chances of a
successful natural birth were high.
Labor pain? Yes, I did think about it. I guess this issue crosses the mind
of every single pregnant woman. It will probably cross yours too someday.
Fear of pain. There was nothing I could do about the pain, but there was
something I could do about fear and so I did. I found a HypnoBirthing coach
and I followed her instructions diligently, every day, many times a day. I
knew she could help me.
HypnoBirthing, or Hypnosis, is nothing more than a deep state of
concentration. I practiced meditation and relaxation. I repeated my
affirmations (a long list of beliefs) morning, afternoon and evening. I
worked on slow long deep breaths. My confidence grew stronger every single
day and the fear vanished.
I was met with skepticism and disapproval from several friends and family.
First, several people didn’t know what hypnosis was all about and were
skeptical of me trying it. Second, my birth choice caused alarm; after all,
c-sections in Miami are expected by most. Miami’s c-section rates are among
the highest in the USA and the developed countries. Friends and family from
Sao Paulo also were puzzled. C-section rates there are the highest in the
world! To my disappointment, some people tried to discourage me by
describing horrible birth stories; others would just say that I would never
be able to withstand the pain, that I just would not be able to do it. The
truth is, Luma, that I did not know. I couldn’t know what the outcome would
be. But I didn’t get discouraged.
At this point, you must be thinking how brave and courageous your mommy is,
but I wasn’t. This is where you come in. During my entire life, I rarely
took credit for my successes, or believed in my capabilities, and worse yet,
several times I didn’t stand up for myself when I should have. But in this
case, I was doing it for you. Without blinking, I would do it a thousand
times for you. The new me had been conceived. A world of possibilities
opened up to me.
While my doctor was genuinely supportive of my birth choice, I found out too
late that his practice colleagues were not as agreeable. Therefore, I
decided to change doctors. Because the pregnancy was very advanced, no other
practice risked taking me in. I was disappointed, of course, but still
determined. So I took a leap of faith. You were already thirty-six weeks old
when I left the practice.
I put you and myself into the care of Miriam, our midwife. I felt an
immediate relief the minute I stepped in the Maternity Center. Miriam was
nurturing, calm, and never condescending. She empathized with my situation
and was willing to help me, even if that meant finding another doctor.
Miriam just felt right and I stuck with her. To make matters even better,
Miriam offered water births, an option that was very attractive to me.
You were forty and a half weeks old, in position and very low, but still
pretty comfortable inside. To help you, I went on long walks, scrubbed the
bath tub, and swam every day. Until one day my laps in the pool were
interrupted by this tightening on my belly, that wouldn’t stop. Calmly, I
told your dad, who was swimming next lane over, that time had arrived. We
went home, I took a long shower, your grandma gathered things we needed to
take, and after Miriam checked my progress we all went to the Maternity
Center.
The ambiance of our room at the Birthing Center was perfect: it was calm,
soothing music played, the lights were dimmed, and there were few candles
flickering. I sat in bed and concentrated on slow long breaths and pretty
soon I fell asleep. Yes, I fell asleep. When I finally woke up, the
contractions were almost back to back and very intense. It was time to get
into the water and just as I did I felt a difference.
I was really aware of my body and you and the changes that were quickly
taking place. Nonetheless, I lost notion of time. During the breaks between
contractions, I relaxed so much that I would fall into a deep sleep and even
have dreams. Grandma held my head while I drifted off. Your father was my
link to a regular state of consciousness; he kept me hydrated; he caressed
my belly. I never felt pain, except for a couple of times when I had to pipi,
first, because the power of gravity outside of the water was tremendous,
second, because, I couldn’t concentrate on the surges and do pipi at the
same time. Otherwise, things were happening as I pictured they would.
When I felt it was time I asked your dad to fetch Miriam. Your grandma had
already positioned herself, my back towards her; she held my head and
caressed my hair. Now your dad plunged into the water in front of me. He
described the evolution of your birth, his voice trembled with ecstasy.
Sometimes emotion took over him and all he could say was, “Oh, my God, Oh my
God!” His happiness and pride strengthened me. Miriam was also a key person,
as a HypnoBirthing coach herself, she knew when I was losing concentration
and would bring me right back. We all worked together.
When you were ready to come out, your dad’s hands were there to hold you.
Then he placed you on my chest. I never knew I could love so much. While I
was holding and looking at you mesmerized, your grandma whispered in my ear,
“You and your daughter were born at exactly the same hour: 4:10am.” I smiled
at the coincidence and thought to myself that you had given me a second
chance to actually live. I was proud! I was so proud and happy.
If I had to put in just a few words what your birth experience felt like, I
would say that it was the most intense physical and spiritual experience I
have ever lived. Such an empowering experience still resonates. I am a
different person. I live life to the fullest. I invite challenge, I face my
fears, and I take advantage of opportunities. I am still human, though.
Sometimes I am scared, sometimes I fail, and sometimes I make mistakes. So
forgive me, because I will fail you. I will make mistakes, but I promise to
always love you. I promise that I will work everyday to be a better and
stronger person than I was yesterday. I promise to be a role model to you,
so you can grow up as a strong, confident woman. I promise to live my
dreams, because I want you to live yours.
Love always,
Mom.
My story is an account of what we can do or what we can become if we truly
believe in ourselves. It describes what happens when we free ourselves from
outside judgment and pre-conceived beliefs. In my case, believing in me has
caused a chain-reaction of self accomplishments. After birthing my daughter
naturally, in the water and without pain, when many around me considered it
impossible, I engaged in many other challenging activities. I started
running and became a marathon runner and a triathlete. Currently I am
training for a half ironman (a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike ride, and a
13.1 run event). I also went back to school and took up art classes. I plan
to flourish in the art world. Lastly, after twenty years I started writing
again. |